Wasai--- Please listen to me

I cannot tell you how many times what I have said has fallen on deaf ears.

"I don't want to drink, thank you." "Mei guan chee." (沒關係)

"No more food, thank you" "Mei guan chee."

"I can shell my own peanuts." "Mei guan chee."

"I don't like beer." "Mei guan chee."

"But, the elevator is full." "Mei guan chee."

I want to point out that this happens when I speak in Chinese, as well asEnglish. I live in a very small town and virtually no one speaks English.

Because of Chinese culture being what it is, people view "protests" as aperson's way of being polite. When you say "I don't want to drink" for example, people hear that sentence through their cultural filter. In Chinese society, greediness (although rampant) is regarded as impolite. So no one would answer "yes" to any question regarding offers of more food, liquor orwhatever. When you say "no thank you" you are telling others that you are polite and not greedy. This explains why you frequently see a Taiwanese man sitting down with his buddies for the express purpose of getting plastered,and yet saying "no! no! no!" over and over as someone pours him a stiff one.

No one is listening to him.

That is fine, unless of course you really don't want any more of whatever is being pushed on you. That concept seems to be lost as far as I can tell.Once I had to explain what "enough" meant. I had consumed what I consideredto be "enough" liquor for one evening and yes my glass was refilled with very pushy attempts to get me to drink more. My friends and others at my table were perplexed. One guy said "we could learn a lot from you because we don'tknow what enough means."

As far as I can tell there is no way to get out of these situations except to smile and just don't drink or eat any more. Just the other day someone kept pushing beer on me, even after I repeated told that person that I don't normally drink beer, and on that occasion I was drinking rum. He kept saying "Mei guan chee" and trying to make me take the can of beer from him by hitting me with it, basically. "Mei guan chee" and "mei wen ti (沒問題)" were said multiple times.

No one was listening to me.

This kind of thing happens all the time though. Once a few years back, I went to a karaoke place with a Taiwanese friend of mine. A hostess brought some peanuts, in-shell. I love peanuts! I was happily shelling and eating them by myself when one of the other hostesses came and sat down beside me. She grabbed a handful and began shelling peanuts and putting them into a bowl. I wasn't really paying attention to her as my friend was singing, and he’s such a bad singer it was just too funny. After a few minutes the hostess pushed this bowl of shelled peanuts in front of me offering them to me. I told her that I didn’t want them; I had my own, thanks. “Mei wen ti” was her answer(meant that it was no problem for her to serve me, not “no problem” as in “I understand"). In cases like this, because the person saying “no problem” they aren't really listening to what you are saying, and if you are forced to get your point across it will very often result in embarrassment for that person.I replied with a question: “Did you wash your hands?”

Now wouldn't it have been much easier if you had just listened to me?

Contributted to Wasai Taiwan by: MJ Klein

Visit his blog at http://www.thenhbushman.com/

Wasai--- What's in a name?

He looked miffed and rather discomfited. Had I said something wrong? Was my
Chinese bad? Was it that I was obviously a foreigner? All I had asked him was his name!
“It’s not important,” he replied stiffly, his voice almost inaudible through the loud thumping electronica that blasted through the dark pub in downtown Taipei. Baffled, I stuttered as I tried to forget the unexpected conversational speed bump and smooth over the awkwardness of the situation. Why was he there? Friend’s birthday party. How old was he? In his twenties. I quickly ran out of things to say and, crestfallen, turned away to rejoin my friends with whom I’d come to the loudly packed pub. That man hadn’t seemed to friendly. In fact, I was starting to wonder how people in Taiwan made new friends at all. The standard question that had served me so well back home—“So, what’s your name?”—seemed to have fallen disastrously flat.

Americans are mostly open and friendly people. Introductions often involve hand- shaking, sometimes even hugs, and a lot of small talk about names, occupations, hometowns, the weather, anything that keeps the conversation going. The first question I always ask—out of politeness, no less—is “What’s your name?” And I always, for better or worse, do my best to remember that name.

Taiwanese people are also friendly and open. However, as I later learned from a
Taiwanese friend, it’s usually a bad idea to start a conversation off by asking the other person’s name. It appears too forward, too invasive. A little time is needed—a little more friendly small talk—before names can be exchanged. And, after all the strange looks I’ve gotten for my American nosiness, I think it best to remember not just a new acquaintance’s name, but also not to ask for to quickly.

Submitted to Wasai Taiwan by: Jeffery Weng
(Taipei, Taiwan--- USA)

Wasai--- Hugs, not drugs

My first experience of Taiwan began before I had even set foot on the plane from America. Within moments of leaving my cab, and joining the line at Los Angeles airport, I fell into a conversation with a man from Singapore and a Taiwanese woman (the first person from Taiwan I had ever met). She was so helpful, asking me where I was planning to stay in Taiwan, offering to give me a ride from the airport when we got to Taiwan, and just generally going out of her way to be hospitable and kind. This was a level of helpfulness that I have never experienced from a stranger in the United States. At the conclusion of our 14 hour flight, I determined that the hostel where I planned on staying was very far out of her way, so I suggested that I take a cab instead. She talked to the airport information center to find out the location of my hostel, and then lead me to the taxi stand, and gave the driver instructions in Chinese. We traded phone numbers, and then I thanked her and gave her a hug goodbye. I noticed as I did this that she appeared to be extremely nervous, and very surprised. She didn’t respond the way someone normally does to a friendly hug, and seemed to be frozen.

I discovered later that the idea of a “friendly” hug is not usual in Taiwan. In America, if a man and woman know each other fairly well, a hug is a usual form of greeting or saying goodbye. Women also usually greet each other with hugs if they know each other fairly well. It is not as usual for men to hug each other, but certain men will, especially if they are greeting or saying goodbye to a very close friend whom they haven’t seen for a while, or don’t plan to see again in the near future. Pats on the back, shoulder, or arms are very usual among male friends. Hugs are a nice, friendly tradition between men and women, but there is nothing intrinsically sexual about them. If you think someone might be interested in you, you can often tell by the way they hug you. A friendly hug is much more casual (and usually shorter) than a hug between people who are romantically involved. After our long journey together, and after all the help she had given me, I thought it would be very rude to say goodbye with a cold handshake! From what I have learned, this difference in cultures starts very early. Mothers in America never stop hugging their children, often embarrassing their teenage kids, and continuing to hug their children when they’re grown adults. I understand now that this is not usual in Taiwan. Hugs are so common in America that there was an anti-drug slogan put out by the government that said, “Hugs, not Drugs"

Submitted to Wasai Taiwan by: Randy Fowler (Taipei)

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